This Girl Isn't A Gatekeeper. Be Like This Girl.
On a recent promo gig, I met a girl that put me on for another gig. That’s some real sh!t. Let me tell you why.
In the beloved saying of my mother, the cost of living in Los Angeles is high as giraffe pussy. You have to be on that L.A. grind, which is having a hustle or work ethic about you, to make it out here. And often times, one job or source of income won’t cut it!
There aren’t too many people I’ve interacted with aroundLA that only do one thing. (This is with the exception of hoes whose lives are funded by a wealthy man; and even they have a hustle about them.. hustling rich men, but a hustle nonetheless.) People aroundLA may have a 9-to-5 corporate job in an office, then a part-time job at the mall on nights and weekends. Even the entrepreneurs that work for themselves; they’ll have their clothing line and be doing runs for a food delivery service in between doing runs for their business. That’s what it takes to stay afloat when you’re new to Los Angeles, or the working world, and not making the money you need to make from one thing.
In addition to working multiple jobs for basic survival aroundLA, where you have another job to supplement your income, majority of the people I’ve met have jobs simply to support themselves while working towards another job. Los Angeles is full of creatives that have creative careers they’re pursuing, then jobs to fund their creative jobs.
You need a job to fund your job in Los Angeles.
Whether you’re a writer, actor, dancer, model, singer, painter, whatever.. you need a source of income to be able to afford your artistic endeavors. You’re not always going to be booked on a concert tour dancing background for an artist with a budget for background dancers. You’re not always going to have commercials or TV shows lined up. (Shoot, with the writers on strike, nobody is getting any work for scripted studio content). You’re not always going to have publications paying you to write a piece of content. You have to have something else. You have to do something else.
A fellow Louisianan that I met through a mutual friend, Tyra The Creative, includes videos dedicated to side hustles for creatives in Los Angeles throughout her acting advice content on YouTube. She has multiple videos about being a Shipt shopper aroundLA, doing freelance work on Fiverr or UpWork, and brand ambassador work in Los Angeles — all under the umbrella of being an actor and content creator in L.A., because being able to even afford the pursuit of a passion is the biggest part, especially in the beginning. If I can’t afford to eat a meal everyday and have some disposable income left over, I’m not in the mental space to pour into something else that won’t have immediate payoff, let alone pay for acting headshots, acting classes, or the acting website memberships to find jobs to submit for!
It’s extremely important to have multiple ways to make a living in Los Angeles, especially as a creative or artist that has to invest into your creations or art before they ever pay you.
This is why a girl putting me on a gig was much needed and much appreciated.
I need some f**king money. Point blank, period. MY MONEY IS TIGHT! And how much can you do aroundLA when your money is tight?! Not got darn much, let me tell you.
In need of more work, whenever I’m at a gig, whether it be background acting gigs or event gigs, I’ll chat with co-workers about what other ways (or what other places) they’re getting work. On set, the answers for background acting have been pretty consistent — Central Casting, Casting Networks, Actor’s Access, Backstage — the search results that would come up if you type into Google “how to get background acting jobs in Los Angeles?”. It’s no special key, it’s no hookup, it’s no secret piece of advice, and it for darn sure isn’t a direct plug. It’s simply where folks are seeing background acting jobs posted. And that’s appreciated because if everyone says all the jobs are on Casting Networks, and they aren’t getting anything from Backstage, I know I don’t need to waste money making a Backstage membership at that moment. However, I explain that to illustrate how what this girl did for me is different.
It was your usual side hustle gig, where I’m having my usual conversations, with whomever it comes natural to have a conversation, about if they’re booking gigs elsewhere.
I arrived to El Granjero Cantina located in The Grove one weekday evening for a Cazadores Tequila promotion and was met by a young lady about my complexion, a few inches shorter than me with a curvier frame.
She introduced herself, Valentina, and told me I could get changed. “Well, duh” is what I almost said, as we’d already communicated via text before I arrived that my Cazadores shirt was in the liquor sampling bag that she had, that she was bringing to the location, that was currently nowhere in sight. Because why do you think you need to instruct me to go change when we talked two seconds ago about how I’ll change when I arrive and get the shirt from you?! Just hand me the shirt, girl. Instead, I said, “oh, absolutely! Where can I find the shirt?”. Then, when I change into the shirt and am putting on the requested red lipstick, she says, “mm.. can you help me with this?”, referring to what we were there to do as promotional specialists. I gave a halfway sassy response, “of course, that’s what I’m here to do.”
Though the tone of her first two passive aggressive commands rubbed me the wrong way initially, I didn’t hold it against her. I continued on as my lil’ giddy self, smiling and being pleasant, and she quickly loosened up. She was cool with her lil’ cute, quirky, Columbian self. We ended up enjoying that liquor promo shift with each other, and when it came up in conversation naturally, I shared how I’m in desperate need of more work. That wording may be a bit strong; I wouldn’t say I sounded desperate, but it was very clear that I was serious about working more gigs. And being serious is important, because nobody aroundLA needs you to waste their time, referring you to work or giving you advice to get work, only for you to never use it. I’ve had people waste my time on multiple occasions and it’s annoying.
Working well and networking on the job at one brand ambassador gig led me to booking two more, only days later, thanks to a girl that wasn’t a gatekeeper. | photo: aroundLAwithTK.com
Towards the end of our Cazadores Tequila shift together, Valentina pulled out her phone and showed me one of the apps she uses to book brand ambassador jobs. She then sent me the various marketing agencies and brand ambassador companies to which she’s connected.
I was already thankful for her being so specific when she shared the app, the companies, and how to book brand ambassador jobs, but when she texted me the next day about submitting me for a job the following day, I could’ve kissed her.
Valentina had been doing liquor promotions for Lobos Tequila every weekend over the past month. When another Lobos Tequila promotion came up, she asked me for a photo of myself doing a liquor sampling and pitched me to her boss to work the event with her.
She did what?!
This girl said how she has known me and worked with me and how I’m such a hungry hard worker. That’s the type of energy I’ve exerted for others, however, it’s often not the type of energy I see others exert. I usually don’t get that back, and I don’t do it to get it back, so it’s fine, but boy is it nice to be on the receiving end!
That girl plugged me y’all.
Valentina got me booked onto two liquor promo gigs in the snap of a finger. We did a liquor promo sampling as brand ambassadors for Lobos Tequila during a day party at Penthouse Day Club on Saturdays in Hollywood called La Santa. The next day, we did a liquor promo sampling as brand ambassadors for Lobos Tequila during a day party at Le Jardin Los Angeles on Sundays in Hollywood called Karma Day Party.
It’s really that easy sometimes, getting on by someone putting you on — sending a simple text or saying a few words, that won’t take 5 minutes out of their day, nor 5 cents out of their pocket. And as simple as it is sometimes, do you know people won’t do it?!
That’s why what Valentina did for me was so special. Having lived in L.A. for some years now, I’ve seen and experienced my fair share of gatekeepers. Valentina has only lived in L.A. for 2 years and has seen it! When she gave me the info at the Cazadores Tequila liquor promotion, I started my sentence, “oh girl, wow, thank you so much because…”, and she finished it for me, “other girls are gatekeepers, hunh?!”. Exactly.
Girls see girls doing the same things as them as their competition.
Even when it’s not their main focus, career, craft or passion, girls will see you jumping rope on your InstaStory as a competition to them jumping rope on their last TikTok and won’t tell you where they got their jumprope. Like girl, what?! It’s liquor promotions, it’s event hospitality, it’s a brand ambassador gigs… it’s not that serious. But to them, it is.
Girls gatekeep for two reasons, primarily. These are two sad misconceptions that keep women from helping out other women:
If they put you on, they’ll end up losing out at some point (because of you).
If they put you on, they’ll be less notable or exclusive in what they’re doing (because you’re doing it too).
These are the ways I’ve gathered that gatekeepers think. I’d love to know what y’all make of it, why are girls that way? Why are girls resistant to helping out other girls in their same or similar realm?
Note: I’m referring to girls versus girls, and specifically, girls versus girls in the same demographic or phenotype, as that’s where this competitive and gatekeeper mindset has been most prevalent to me. This is not to say it does not exist elsewhere, among and between other groups. aroundLAwithTK is a personal lifestyle blog where I speak from my own personal experiences living in Los Angeles.
If you’re cute, girls will gatekeep against you even harder.
Not to say I think I’m so cute, but you’d be hard-pressed to find anybody that can pass a lie detector test saying I’m not well above an average level of attraction.
Girls see you as a threat when they see you as attractive as, or even more attractive than, them. Or, if they can see whoever is judging finding you more favorable than them. This casting agency casts talent for hip-hop videos and they like this video vixen look; I don’t think that b**** looks better than me, but she is what they’re looking for, is a thought I’ve had myself. See, the difference comes with what follows. Recognizing where another woman will be favored over me does not stop me from connecting that woman to an opportunity. Unfortunately, it stops others. They’ll know they’re not what a person or entity is looking for and still won’t share the opportunity with a fitting candidate, just because they can’t have it. That’s silly to me, because sis, it was never going to be you.
When is it right to gatekeep?
Though it makes absolutely no sense to me when a person blocks you from something they wouldn’t have been the selection for anyway, I can somewhat stretch my mind to understand somebody blocking you from an opportunity where they do have a viable chance.
I told Valentina I was extra impressed with her being so helpful to me because we’re a similar phenotype. We’re both Morena girls with dark hair, big almond eyes, and round, youthful, girl-next-door faces. When a client requests a certain looking girl from the marketing agency to promote their brand at an event, both my picture and Valentina’s picture would be presented in the same category for the client’s selection. If the client is only looking for one girl with that look and chooses me, in that case, it could be seen to a person in Valentina’s position as she lost out because of me.
My girl Shirley, the Asian one that helped me get into background acting, has told me more than once that she sends me (and can send me) modeling and background acting gigs because I’m not her competition, based on ethnicity alone. Our playing age range has a little overlap, but our ethnic backgrounds, not so much. Our skin tones are rather close, with me being a “light-skin” Louisiana Creole and her having a half-Black father, but we still look very distinctly different. She’s filling pan-Asian roles, whereas I easily fit roles of the African diaspora (from Black American to Afro-Latina). She’s not going to be as helpful to her Asian girlfriends that share her same look as she is to me with a totally different look. I understand it, and I respect it.
I get it I do, and I guess I can’t say it’s wrong to gatekeep in those particular situations. It doesn’t happen to be the way I’ve navigated life though. If I f*** with you, I’ll put you on regardless. You could be my doppelganger.
For example, there’s this girl named Kaba that I got cool with working side hustle gigs together. She’s in the pursuits of an entertainment career as well, so she receives notifications about different opportunities. When she saw a production looking for a Louisiana native to be a host on some sort of travel series or something, she shared it with me. Shoutout to her for that right there, because we talked earlier in this post how some girls won’t even share an opportunity with the next girl even if it’s not something they’re in the running for. Baby when I tell you, I forwarded that email to every available New Orleans native I know that can string a sentence together, then texted them telling them to apply. Yes, that’s putting more people in the running, but I look at it as increasing the probability of one of us getting it. Heck yeah, I’ll be happy to land a job, get booked, gain an opportunity, but I’ll also be happy if someone I know gets it too (even if it’s instead of me).
I’m glad Valentina wasn’t a gatekeeper. Be like Valentina.
Okay, this post has gone one way longer than planned. Goodness gracious, have almost 6 hours really passed since I opened the page to begin writing this, what was supposed to be quick, blog post?! Wait.. No way it says on the side of my screen this draft was started at 4:23pm and it’s now 9:54pm as I continue to click these keys. Girl, wtf do I be doing?! And how tf am I supposed to blog (and post) daily if it takes me this long to do a simple post?! Not like I have all the time in the world to create content, remember? I have to work jobs to fund this job. [inserts crying emoji] What is life, man? And what in the world am I doing with mine..
And this ain’t probably nothing but a 6-minute read, that most people ain’t even gon’ read, just gon’ skim and scan.. and that’s if they click on it.
Chiiiiild, well, thank you for being here. Let me let you go for now.
Serving as a brand ambassador for Lobos Tequila during a new weekly summer event on Sundays in Hollywood, Karma Day Party, held inside Le Jardin’s open-air club space. | photo: @aroundLAwithTK
In future work aroundLA blog posts, if y’all are interested, I can answer some questions about this area of side hustles aroundLA, starting with the basics, such as:
What is a brand ambassador?
What is a promotional specialist?
How to book brand ambassador jobs in Los Angeles?
How to write a brand ambassador resume?
