Why I’d Never Go Back on Wipeout
I don’t have any regrets, but if we’re revisiting an experience, there may exist a thing or two I wouldn’t want to do. Being on the television game show Wipeout is probably towards the top of the list.
See, I don’t regret accepting the invite to participate in the televised competition, however, I can honestly say that I did not enjoy my time as a human crash dummy.
Prior to a casting producer reaching out to me on Instagram, I’d never heard of TBS’ Wipeout. That was probably to the benefit of the person trying to cast me for this ridiculous game show, because had I had some sort of familiarity with it, there’s a chance I wouldn’t have so readily agreed to be humiliated on national TV.
It’s all cheer with my Wipeout partner before the “games” begin. | image: Wipeout TBS
Y’all, it was so bad that it has been a week since it aired, and who knows how long since we filmed it, and my game show partner still refuses to even give it a glimpse. The poor girl is mortified.
Myself, I’m not really disturbed by what aired on tv, and she probably wouldn’t be either if she were to watch it, as it really wasn’t that bad, it just wasn’t necessary. Am I investing in a time machine to go back and remove myself from participating in the TV show Wipeout? No. Would I picket outside of TBS to have Wipeout taken off of TV and never air again? Nah. Would I wait in line to do it again? Absolutely not.
What’s the concept of the TV show Wipeout on TBS?
The concept of the TV show Wipeout is for participants to Wipeout.
[blank stare]
Now why didn’t somebody tell me that the whole point of the competition game show is for participants of the “game” to bust their a**?!
Okay, Kiana did tell me. Kiana is my partner on Wipeout, playing this friendly game. [side-eye emoji]
Girl, the show is called Wipeout for a reason, have you not seen it?! The whole point is for people to fail terribly and painfully.
I don’t know, I thought Kiana was playing coy in her initial decline to come on the show with me. I’m all, “didn’t you move from Miami to L.A. to be on TV anyway?! Stop acting camera shy.”
We went back and forth on the phone for a while, me convincing her that the TV show Wipeout is all fun and games, simply an oversized obstacle course for adults. She reiterated that I was the one that had never heard of the show Wipeout and she was the one that had watched it with her own eyes, wondering why people would go up there and embarrass themselves.
My persistence wouldn’t let up. I assured her that I’d spoken with the casting producer from Wipeout and then reached back out to the casting producer with my potential partner’s concerns and that the all-new season of Wipeout has some tweaks from the original season and would be a BALL of fun!
Is it fun being on the TV show Wipeout on TBS?
No.
There is nothing fun about your body smacking into those big red balls. Nothing.
I’m really reaching into the back of my brain trying to find one part that was pleasurable about being a contestant on the TV game show Wipeout and I can honestly say that there isn’t one.
There was nothing fun about the torture course of a TV show called Wipeout. Nothing.
Nothing.
Ugh. My face is grimacing as my chest tightens, simply bringing myself back to that moment. Being on the TV show Wipeout was horribly brutal to the body. Horribly brutal. Horribly, horribly, horribly brutal to the body. I’m not exaggerating when I say I feel aches along my spine at the thought. CRINGE, personified. Ughhhh.
Why would anyone go on the TV show Wipeout?
The prospective Wipeout competitor is an idiot.
The prospective Wipeout competitor doesn’t know she’s an idiot.
The prospective Wipeout competitor was convinced to go on the show by an idiot.
Yeah, one, two and three describe me. Not to call the casting producer that recruited me an idiot, but… [shoulder shrugs]
What’s it like being on the TV show Wipeout?
It’s like going to hell in a handbasket. Misery. Why do people even watch the TV show Wipeout? To be a fan of Wipeout, a person must have one of those weird kinky fetishes where he gets off on watching people suffer. And I’m not here to judge, so if you’re a sadist, sit down and keep scrolling, Mr. Schadenfreude.
(Note: Finding joy in harm is not necessary to continue reading.)
I would tell you about the behind-the-scenes of being on Wipeout, but I’m pretty sure I signed a nice and tight NDA that prohibits discussing any part of filming or the filming process that wasn’t aired on the network. And I’m more than sure I don’t have the penalty to pay TBS, whatever it may be. So, let’s take a look at what did air.
What’s good about being on the TV show Wipeout?
Well, if I had to reach for a positive from the experience, I’d say that my Wipeout partner and I got a lot of screen time. So, at the very least, our pain wasn’t in vain. (And believe you me, there was plenty of pain). I took a screen-recording of the whole Kiana and TK on Wipeout segment, but it didn’t capture the audio. I was going to embed a video of our Kiana and TK Wipeout footage. As that may have violated some sort of copyright infringement with TBS Network, maybe it’s good that it didn’t.
I watched our generous Kiana and TK Wipeout segment back again, cringing as much as I did upon the first viewing, and took screenshots along the way.
Getting through the Qualifier (torture course) Round of Wipeout
From the outset of the Kong-sized obstacle course, we’re cheering each other on. I’m determined to prove Kiana wrong. Wipeout isn’t designed to make people fail; she must’ve simply seen people that sucked. We’re vibrant, energetic, healthy young girls in our 20s, there’s nothing on an adult obstacle course that we can’t handle.
My Wipeout partner fell behind as we ran to the first element of the obstacle course; I cheered her on in hopes to come back and start strong. | image: Wipeout TBS
Sure, Wipeout may not be a walk in the park, but it’s not impossible.
Whew, we’re here now. We’re on Wipeout. It’s real.
My jaw drops as it sets in before my eyes. Oh. This is quite the “obstacle course for adults”. [eyebrow raises] There’s nothing athletic nor strategic about what I see. I’m looking at pure foolishness.
Taking my first glance at the Wipeout qualifier, I immediately realize that my perception of it being a fun obstacle course for adults was all wrong. | image: Wipeout TBS
The way the Wipeout obstacle course is constructed way up in between some mountains and valleys somewhere aroundLA and where we are held as Wipeout contestants until it’s our turn to go, we don’t get the slightest glimpse of what we’re getting into until we’re in it and the time has begun.
Wondering what I’ve gotten myself into and why Kiana didn’t try harder to convince me out of it. | image: Wipeout TBS
See, Kiana knew. Kiana tried to tell me. TK, no, you don’t understand. Please go watch the show. But nooooo, TK had to be hard-headed. TK thought Kiana was being dramatic. TK didn’t watch the show. All TK knew was she enjoyed field days in elementary school with obstacles courses and games; this was going to be that, but for grown-ups!
This wasn’t that.
I wasted no time wiping out on Wipeout. | image: Wipeout TBS
Am I alive? Is this real life?
I saw my life flash before my eyes, I ain’t lying.
Look at the way my face is an asteroid flying towards Earth, my hair the following flames.
Kiana, you surely are smiling hard to say you didn’t want to be here. | image: Wipeout TBS
Ouch. This hurts. [insert photo of face in anguish on Wipeout course]
I hate it here. | image: Wipeout TBS
This is misery, already. It’s only the first obstacle. But wait.. Great! …I can feel pain. That’s a good sign, I’m still alive.
Get up, TK, get up.
I get up.
Can’t keep TK down for long, took a terrible tumble, but we’re back up and feeling strong! | image: Wipeout TBS
I’m back down.
On the bright side, like the neon pink pants I’m wearing, at least I seem to have a plump lil’ booty back there while plummeting. That’s always a positive. Imagine planking diagonally through air and resembling a complete plank, no hump, no rump; I thought I was cringing at watching myself wipeout, looking terrible TOO?! I’d’ve clawed my eyes out.
Well, I was soaring for a moment. Now, I’m crashing. Once again, I hate it here. | image: Wipeout TBS
You can’t tell me that this doesn’t look dangerous.
At this moment, I wanted to quit. I wanted to freaking quit because this is some bullsh*t! If I manage to not suffer a major spinal cord injury from Wipeout, somebody is getting a nasty neck roll. I mean full of attitude with an eyeroll to boot. You stinking dirty wh*res.
All I can do is give them dirty looks, it’s not as if you can sue if you’re injured on Wipeout. That’s on you. You chose to get your silly tail up here and let big punching-bag spinning bars knock your behind around. You signed your life away. You said that Wipeout, nor TBS, nor anyone in connection with the show or network could be held responsible for injuries sustained during the course of Wipeout that YOU agreed to do, miss ma’am.
This is only the first obstacle of the Wipeout qualifier and the self-loathing has already begun to set in. | image: Wipeout TBS
It’s all sped up (clipped out) on TV, but I was rethinking all my life’s decisions.
TK, you can’t go out like this. You’re here now and you have to keep going, TK.
Kiana, little miss former NFL cheerleader, this isn’t the time for that big cheer smile. I’m fighting for my life in this Wipeout qualifier. | image: Wipeout TBS
Hm. Maybe Kiana is a secret sadist, ‘cause she surely was smiling hard as I was wiping out.
I’m all-in. I’m serious business, invested, as I turn around to watch Kiana take on the first obstacle of the Wipeout course that had possibly destroyed my spine two seconds prior.
Notice the difference in my facial expressions when I’m watching Kiana take her turn through the doom trap that is the Wipeout qualifier. | image: Wipeout TBS
One thing about it, even if an obstacle is able to knock me down, it could never keep me there.
(Tangent: I remember the summer after senior year of high school, at orientation for what would become my alma mater, the student orientation leaders had us do an icebreaker where we introduced ourselves by saying our names with a single adjective that begins with the same letter. Tenacious TK, I stood up and said in my naturally confident and bold voice.)
Tenacious TK I’ve been, and Tenacious TK I’ll be.
And I’ll spread that energy.
I begin doing an entire cheer, spelling out Kiana’s name letter by letter.
My girl was struggling, and I’m the one that convinced her to come on this ridiculous competition show Wipeout; the least I could do was cheer her on. Let’s go, KIANA! | image: Wipeout TBS
Bing! Bam! Bop!
That Wipeout course was on our top!
I flinched and grimaced watching Kiana come across the Wipeout course.
You can’t convince me that the Wipeout qualifier course isn’t rigged. I didn’t see who had the controller, but there was definitely someone watching and pressing the button to knock contestants off course. | image: Wipeout TBS
It’s almost as brutal for me, an empath, watching my partner on Wipeout. I think I had more expression on MY face while *she* was being bounced around by this rigged obstacle course on Wipeout.
@wipeout the holiday season sneaking up on us like... 💥😂 #Wipeout #SubtleForeshadowing
♬ original sound - Wipeout - Wipeout
(Note: I have no proof that Wipeout’s course is rigged, other than the fact that I was there… and did it… and watched my girl Kiana do it… it seemed rigged to me. That opinion is of my own and does reflect that of the show Wipeout, nor TBS, or yadda yadda… that sh*t was rigged.)
Flinching flees, cheering proceeds.
The big red balls, a Wipeout signature. | image: Wipeout TBS
I clap and cheer in a wide-leg stance as Kiana goes across the big red balls that Wipeout is known for. Apparently, the big red balls on Wipeout are a signature part of the course that remain from build out to build out while all the other obstacles vary.
We rotated from obstacle to obstacle at some points throughout the course on Wipeout, me going first through a section most times, then Kiana going first the others. I suppose it was a part of our Wipeout strategy?? I say “strategy” with an eyeroll and intonation as there’s really no rhyme nor reason to Wipeout. There’s no strategy that will save you from wiping out. How do you strategize to take on an obstacle course that’s designed for failure?
At a glance, especially on a still image, Wipeout does look as though it’d be a fun, super-sized adult obstacle course, doesn’t it? Boy, was I fooled. | image: Wipeout TBS
I don’t expect to go on a TV competition show and be handed $25,000, of course not. I expect it to be challenging if I’m competing for $25,000. The Wipeout qualifier course is not made “challenging”, it’s made impossible. I’m getting a little ticked thinking about it. Oh, Wipeout, what a scam.
Even though I realized that Wipeout TV show is a scam the moment my first vertebrae cracked on the qualifier course, I still kept a positive perspective all the way through the finishing platform.
Baby, being a professional NFL cheerleader, Kiana knows how to fake the funk and smile through it all, wind, storm, sprained ankle, pulled hamstring. Mm mn, not me. I’m thinking, what thee actual f***, and that’s exactly what my face reads.
If you’re a Wipeout watcher and you’ve ever wondered if competing on the obstacle course is as torturous as it looks, wonder no further. It is. | image: Wipeout TBS
Dawg. That was the worst 15 minutes of my life, and I’m sure Kiana would agree. We probably won’t experience that much pain in such a short period of time until we’re pushing out a baby.
Is being on Wipeout as painful as it looks?
No. It’s worse.
Before the show aired, Kiana was praying to God that it would never see the light of day. I told her that as much as I could do without it, I still wanted it to air for other people’s sake. Other people as in those who may have won cash prizes. I know from having participated in TV game shows aroundLA before, sometimes prizes “won” aren’t redeemable until after the shows airs — which means if the show never airs, said prizes are null and void. As much as I wasn’t thrilled to relive the pain, I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of someone else’s gain.
But yeah, those hits on Wipeout are as bad as they look.
I’ve had car accidents that didn’t leave me in as much pain, for nearly as long… car accidents ON MY BIKE! (If you’ve been here before, you know aroundLAwithTK is all about that bike life). I’ve been ejected from behind my handlebars, bare body slammed into the ground, and it wasn’t as bad as being banged up on the Wipeout qualifier course.
Why would anyone go on Wipeout? There no consistent, or irregular, time frequency that the objects on the course move. Someone is obviously holding a remote, waiting for a Wipeout participant’s arrival on an object to then eject the participant into the sky for the participants body to come slamming back down. Wipeout is terrible. | image: Wipeout TBS
The show aired last week, so it’s no spoiler, nor should it be any surprise, that with a finishing time of almost 15 minutes, we didn’t make it beyond the qualifier round to go on to compete for the twenty-five thousand dollar grand prize. [sigh]
Wipeout is a scam. And I’m not saying that because I’m a sore loser (...not in the figurative sense, at least; we were literally sore losers – our bodies were bruised and we had the slowest finishing time).
(Tangent: You see how I use the word literally in an appropriate manner? Very mindful, very demure. I want SO badly for my peers to try it. Maybe it’s the writer or orator in me, but the abuse of the word drives me crazy… Dare I say, literally? [sarcasm] That one will go over most people’s heads. [sigh])
For further reading: I'm Like, Literally?. What is happening to our language?
Should you go compete on the TV show Wipeout?
If somehow, this heinous crime of a torture sanctuary disguised as a fun, competitive game show for family-friendly television is greenlit for another season and you see a casting to be a contestant on Wipeout, do it, you freaking masochist.
Are you really considering going on Wipeout after the pain and misery that I’ve described to you? Are you really?? Well, you’re a looney bird, and maybe you’ll be the looney bird to win your share of 25 grand.
Would I go on the show Wipeout again?
Sure. As a former contestant of Wipeout, I would gladly go on the show again as Camille, the field reporter. Wipeout, TBS, the powers that be, holler at me! That, hosting, being cute, talking to folks, oh yeah baby, that, I could do!
(Note: I’m sure Camille isn’t a former contestant of Wipeout. She seems to have too much sense to have ever participated in this foolishness. Don’t quote me on this, but I think I remember her mentioning on set that she’s a former NFL cheerleader. That, along with dating some NFL player or something, seems to have amassed a large following for herself. Plus, she’s simply a hot blonde chick, we know that that alone does a considerable part in entertainment.)
Would you go on the TV show Wipeout?
Wow, riders, thanks for joining this therapy session. My back hurts, but I feel better after venting.
I want to know, would you go on this TV game show?
Maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m a big baby. Well, me, and my partner on Wipeout, Kiana. And a girl I met on set named Drew, who I’m still friends with on Instagram, with whom I spoke since the show’s airing. And Drew’s partner too, who was ex-military, I believe. And Drew’s a personal trainer… The list goes on. [whispers] It wasn’t just us that thought it sucked.
Hey! You never know, right?!
Check your local listings for Wipeout on TBS. Watch previous episodes by logging in online. The episode of Wipeout featuring Kiana and TK is season 2, episode 12. (A 5-minute preview is available from TBS and Kiana and I’s appearance happens to take place within those first five minutes! Yes, clicked that hyperlinked line and it’ll take you straight there!)
aroundLAwithTK is a personal lifestyle blog of a girl who at the base is exploring life on two wheels around LA. Other writers have readers, aroundLAwithTK has riders. Thank you for being here, riders, and please don’t hesitate to share. Matter of fact, send this page to a dare-devil or curiosity-kills-the-cat type of friend you have in your life. Or, maybe you’re the risky explorer; text this link to the person that would be most likely to talk you out of taking an adventure too far.
