Why Black Women in Los Angeles Should "Date Up"
Yesterday, this ol’-stay-dripped-and-draped-a** chick I know out here in L.A. posted something on her InstaStory that really humored me. I was tickled to the point that I had to repost it, so I suppose I can even say, it resonated with me. The post read,
“I’m a gold digger, stop messaging me.”
photo: @tee.krys Instagram archive
Now the fancy little lady, whom I stole this post from, we’ll call her Bee, has been very vocal in small social settings that she only entertains men of means. One time somebody asked Bee something along the lines of what if the guy had everything else she could desire, from looks to personality and even endowment down below, but he was broke. She simply said, “I wouldn’t know.” She wasn’t saying she wouldn’t know what to do, or that she’d be torn, she was saying that she wouldn’t even know the man in the first place to know anything about the other great things he has to offer. Bee went on to say that she doesn’t even meander where the likes of a broke man would be. “All my friends are rich,” she says proudly.
It’s what my grandmother would call a smart a** remark.
You holler at me, I respond. We begin conversing and you soon see my standards. There’s a certain level of courtship it’s going to take to further get my attention. Netflix-and-chill, in the 900-square-foot apartment you share with a roommate, is out. As much as I enjoy Chik-fil-A, taking me on a date there? That aint it, chief. You’ll quickly realize you can’t meet my standards (or you’ll lie to yourself and say you don’t want to), your pride will be hurt, and then you’ll hurl what’s supposed to be an insult, “golddigger!”
Basically, Bee’s post, in my perspective, was cutting all of that short. It spoke the notion of I ain’t whatchu want if you don’t wanna spend no money, letting it be known that she is a certain type of woman that requires a certain type of man, and if you’re offended by that post, it probably isn’t you.
For what I want, and what you fail to offer, you may consider me a golddigger, so let’s save us both some time. Move along.
I stand in full support of this energy.
I have yet to be as steadfast to this ideology as women I find myself around in Los Angeles, however, I wholeheartedly encourage it. And I have very valid, biologically and psychologically sound, reasons as to why — starting with what women seek at a basic human needs level, going into women’s ability to be more malleable in love, and wrapping it with what doesn’t lie: numbers.
I encourage women to open themselves up to hypergamous relationships.
Hypergamous relationships. Not being a user. Not prostitution. Not golddigging.
There’s a difference. And, I’m not here to knock ‘em, getcha money, sis! That’s just not what I’m here on this platform to promote. I’m here on my soap box today to preach the good old gospel of hypergamy.
When I say old, I mean old old. The term was first used in a book in the late 1800s where a father gives away his daughter for marriage to a man of a superior tribe. It’s the practice of people marrying a spouse of higher caste than themselves. And you can bet your bottom dollar, it was going on long before there was a word for it.
Typically, hypergamy is when a woman’s dating pool consists of higher caliber men. We automatically think of money. Oh, it’s when the guy has more money than the girl? Yes, it often is in regard to finances, but it could be other stuff too. Maybe she only has her bachelor’s degree and he has a doctorate’s. Yep, that’s hypergamy. Maybe she’s a careerless rich kid and he’s a man that built a major Hollywood production company. [Coughs] Lori Harvey and Michael B. Jordan [Coughs]. Yep, that’s hypergamy. It’s dating up, whether the “up” is in earnings, education level, career position, or simply social status.
Side note: This dating up isn’t limited to you entertaining men, in a higher tax bracket, that are Black. Though it’s highly unlikely you’ll find me dating outside of my ethnicity, you should, girl!
Janet Jackson and her Qatari billionaire baby daddy | photo: Google Images
Being a sugar baby or having a sponsor is not hypergamy.
See, I mentioned the origin of the term for a reason. It’s to differentiate hypergamy from all that other debauchery these heathens be having going on. Being hypergamous is dating with the intention to marry. It’s a relationship, a real, genuine relationship with hopes of longevity. Women that are only in it for what the man can provide right now, knowing fully within their own hearts that they could never see a future with him, are not practicing the true art of hypergamy.
Entertaining every man, with a few dollars or a little fame, whose attention you can garner is not hypergamy. It’s thirst. Having every negro that fiddles with a mic or keyboard in your late night call log is not hypergamy. It’s giving music industry groupie. Going after every buff guy that runs down a field with a pigskin is not hypergamy. It’s cleat chasing.
photo: Pinterest
You having sexual relations with a man tonight so he can pay your past due rent tomorrow is not hypergamy; that, my dear, is prostitution. Hey, if that’s you, don’t be sensitive. T.K. is only being playful, baby. Is your rent not getting paid? Okay then. What does it matter what I or anyone else says about how it’s getting paid?!
Hypergamous women prioritize wealth or status when selecting a mate; they have their offspring and/or future (family) with the man in mind. Gold digging women hold wealth or status as their only priority when picking their prey; they have themselves and/or the present in mind. A woman practicing hypergamy cares about various aspects of the man, him having money was only an initial qualifier. A woman that is only using a man for money, only cares about the money.
There’s a difference between a high value woman and a high end hoe.
High value women have elevated standards and a man has to meet those standards for her to even see him as a potential suitor, THEN she has to actually like him. High end hoes have elevated price points and all a man has to do is have the money to meet them, no liking necessary. All it takes is money with a high end hoe. You can pay the price? It’s all yours, big fella. (Or, at least she may be kind enough to make it seem as though it’s all yours.). It takes way more than throwing around some money to win over a high value woman — it takes everything it takes in dating: physical attraction, getting to know one another, mental connection, shared interests, similar senses of humor, etc.
People (usually men that are mad) try to blur the lines, so I want to be more than sure that I’m clear… I am talking to high value women. I am advocating for hypergamous relationships. I don’t want you all running out of here, lying on my name. T.K. out here telling girls to solicit their bodies and use men for money! No, no, no. As much of a blast as I’m sure that can be, that’s not what I’m doing.
Now that we have the bases covered about what hypergamy is and what it isn’t, let’s get into what you really came here for…
Why YOU Should Be Hypergamous, Ladies
First of all, because YOU CAN!
Chrysty, former hairstylist on ABC’s “Good Morning America” turned luxury real estate agent, has been slaying in L.A. Think she’d entertain a man that isn’t on his sh*t? I hope not.
You live in Los Angeles, for goodness sake! There are financially well-off men everywhere you turn. Foreign cars line the valet at church. Diamond-encrusted Cartier watches walk thru the grocery store. CEOs sip a cup of joe at the local coffee shop.
There’s a lot of money being made in Los Angeles and a lot of men making it.
Then there’s beautiful, special you. You came from the DMV with your fashion design degree. You didn’t have a big job waiting for you, but you hit the ground running, started hustling. You have that welcoming Murluhnd accent. Back home, your dad is going thru chemo, but you’re staying strong. You take care of yourself, even if your grandparents send you some help occasionally, you’re out here doing it.
Whatever your story may be, you’re you, and that’s what a rich man should have.. not one of these ruthless golddigging airheads. So open your mind and eyes to that reality and make it yours. Seek inner growth, feminize and prepare yourself for a high value man. It’s not that hard; you’d probably have to work harder to avoid one!
This is what women want at a basic biological level.
A man. A real man.
What does that mean? What is “a man”?
Thirty years ago, before the tail end of us millennials were born, an anthropologist went on a cross-cultural pursuit to answer that question. Through his extensive studies, he found that no matter the culture, no matter the time in history, and no matter the profession, “being a man” boiled down to the same three things:
protect
provide
procreate
A presentation from a conference I watched on YouTube introduced me to the book Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality
It’s the 3 P’s of Manhood; and what women are hardwired to want: provisioning and protection from a mate with which they can procreate. I know this is the opinion column of aroundLAwithTK, but right here, what I’m bringing you… all facts. We find men attractive that we’ll make nice, healthy babies with (even if you don’t actually plan to have babies with the man, that’s what’s going on subconsciously); then, we find men attractive that will be able to keep us (and those imaginary babies of the subconscious) safe and fed.
We can go way back to ancient days to confirm this as well, according to the book Sex at Dawn, which takes an in-depth look at human nature. Women are designed to seek provisioning and safety.
Is Little Timmy safer in the hood or in The Hills? Are you all eating better off of an EBT benefit card, or an American Express Black Card? Do you feel more provided for on the bus or in a Bentley?
These are obviously on exaggerated ends of the spectrum, but it’s to illustrate the point that your evolutionary biological needs are more likely to be met by a man of means. It’s our human nature, I’m only suggesting you lean into it.
Women have a greater capacity to love.
Back in high school, I came across a quote about if a man gives you butterflies, run from that man; but if a man makes you feel warm, even if he doesn’t necessarily excite you, that’s the man for you. It ended by saying, the man should always love the woman more.
(I remember because I took a screenshot of it on my iPod Touch I’d bought myself with money I earned in Montgomery one summer, babysitting for my first cousin that was attending Alabama State University. This cousin, Rashell, was also one of my first examples of hypergamy in action — she was the all-too-familiar broke college student, while her man ran a bustling variety store and took care of all their needs, including my salary for watching their kid. She wouldn’t even let me spend the money I made. Her man fed us. I was only a little preteen, but it’s one of the many lessons from her that has come with me into young adulthood).
A woman can grow to love… a man either loves you from the start or doesn’t.
When I say that women have a greater capacity to love, I’m referring to women’s ability to be more malleable in love. A woman’s love can be more easily influenced. Some would even go as far to argue that women never fall in love, they grow into it.
Men and women are entirely different creatures. The Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists over at BetterHelp say, “this is true in development, behavior, and of course, love.”
photo: Facebook
We’re different.
The woman doesn’t have to initially be completely head-over-heels infatuated with the man because this can, and likely will, grow over time, if the woman is being provided for adequately. It does not work the same in reverse. If a man isn’t into it, no amount of cooking, cleaning, nor sexing is going to get him there. A man has to already be in that place mentally; he has to want to be there.
This is why hypergamous women prioritize a man’s wealth or status when considering a life partner.
You don’t care for the way he dresses? Easy fix. You don’t like that he smacks when he chews or he wears dirty shoes? Easy fix. He doesn’t have a skillset, drive or ambition? Mmmmm… Not so easy. And by not so easy, I mean more like impossible. That’s one thing you can’t fix about a man. Pretty much everything else is teachable, even how to ea.. Okay, let’s not get derailed.
Because you can grow to love a man, you may as well make it a man with money. Why would you want to let yourself fall in love with a broke man? Don’t set yourself up for that life, sis. Set yourself up for the life of your dreams.
Men lie. Women lie. But numbers don’t lie.
Let’s wrap this up with numbers, nicely… and quickly, because speaking of numbers, this is my 3rd day working on this piece, for 50leven hours each day.
Hypergamy, at its root, is about marriage.
photo: Pinterest
56% of the reasons for divorce are financial problems.
You know the United States government has a whole lot of entities, right? It’s not an organization only to spy on you thru your iPhone. Some things they have in place are there to help you. One of them is the National Institutes of Health, and its Library of Medicine. In there, I found an extensive study “sought to understand reasons for divorce.” They break down quantitative and qualitative methods they used, give all the details to their findings, and all that jazz. You can check it out here, if you’d like, but you barely wanted to click on this article, so let me just give you the key takeaway:
Most people breakup over money.
That’s all that matters for what we’re talking about here.
Why enter a relationship where money will be a problem? In hypergamy, major issues of funds are what you aim to avoid. Hypergamous women seek futures that are more likely to be free of financial stress because it will increase the likeliness of the couple lasting.
If you can eliminate a 50% chance of getting divorced, why wouldn’t you? Whenever I talk to old folks that have been married for twice as long as I’ve been alive, and I ask them the key to longevity, they almost always say, “it takes work.” People grow and change, and disagreements arise, and life happens — it’s going to take so much work to maintain a marriage already, money need not be an issue.
No battle for the bum b*tches
Krystal Franklin, a producer at Fox Television’s “The Real,” is a shining example of a high caliber woman in Los Angeles
There are plenty of women that would have nothing if it weren’t for a man. Those aren’t the women I’m championing. I’m promoting this practice for women killing it in LA, like Angela Stevens and Krystal Franklin, women that are driven and motivated, because that type of woman will multiply what she’s given, and wouldn’t only be with a man to get ahead. She’d be with that man because that’s the type of man she needs, to fulfill her (beyond financially), a man of high caliber. Any other man would fall short.
Let a man elevate, not create.
I’m not a fan of a man “making” a woman. And it may just be me, because I know girls that don’t have a problem with it at all, but I never want a man to be able to say “he made me.” I say that to reiterate, these are not words for women without a pot to piss in, nor a window to throw it out of (as my grandmother would say). This is for women that have something going for themselves, in addition to looks.
This encouragement, for dating up and marrying up, isn’t for women that are down. This is for women that are already up, to go even further up with a man. This is for high value women… Be a hypergamous woman!
**Perspectives presented here do NOT reflect perspectives of individuals pictured. (I don’t know those folks, I just liked the pictures.)**
Note: If it’s not clear, the bulk of this advice applies to all women everywhere. I prefaced it with Los Angeles because this is a Los Angeles lifestyle blog afterall. Also, I specifically mentioned Black women because we’re the ones that need to hear this; white biddies been up on game.
For more about Los Angeles lifestyle, continue to browse around the site!
