I Don’t Want It, But I Want It

30-Day Writing Challenge, Day 13

I’m trying to decide how upset I want to be with myself for missing day 12. And I thought about it, yeah. Ugh! I kept clicking my phone to check the time as I moved around New Orleans, thinking “okay, cool, I’ll be able to do it when I leave here and yeah…” Well, no.

This morning, my head popped up from my cousin’s house on the Westbank, my jaw dropped, and my eyes darted towards my phone, “FUDGE!!” I exclaimed with a much more profane word.

Is it okay to get mad at yourself? Is it good to get mad at yourself? Is it productive to get mad at yourself? Or, should I lean towards the teachings of one of my favorite professors from UL, Dr. Caryn Winters, who was the first person to introduce me to the concept of positive self-speak?

I’ll decide later. For right now, before I leave the rooftop of Nopsi Hotel with my girl that’s here in New Orleans for SHRM 2022 and head to a hole-in-the-wall to catch whichever playoff game is today, let me pull up today’s writing prompt.

Writing Prompt 13: What are you excited about?

In a previous post of this 30-day writing challenge, I talked about the freedom in realizing that the purpose of life is simply to live. You don’t have to rush around trying to reach these imaginary requirements you’ve placed on yourself. As true as this is, it doesn’t negate the excitement of looking forward to the fruits of my labor.

Related: All I Have To Do Is Stay Black and Die

When I’m not thinking about romance, I’m thinking about my future. (And when I’m not thinking about one of those, I’m thinking about them both at the same, as naturally, the two often overlap.) I’m thinking about the results that the work I’m currently doing will bring.

I’ve spent hours, and will only continue to spend more, studying SEO for blogging, formatting blog posts, trying to figure out how to get more traffic, improving my writing strategies and more. I’m putting in the work because it’s what I want to do (not what I must do).

Though I refuse to stress myself out about crossing into the imaginary end zone of success, I do look forward to seeing points go up on the score board.

I’m excited about what God has in store for my writing future.

If I weren’t now in Funky 544, a noisy bar in the French Quarter of New Orleans, I’d likely go into further detail.

Let me find out you all are going to be thankful for my running around forcing short-windedness on me.

Talk to you later, kids!