All The Juicy Details & Takeaways From Kelly Rowland's Women's Day Event
Painful history teaches us that women around the world have faced oppression since the beginning of modern civilization. From ancient Asia, where being born a woman was believed to be “punishment for past deeds” of a previous incarnation, to female genital mutilation in Africa, that is still being fought against today, women have been seen as a bare necessity of society that holds no significance beyond bearing children and pleasing their male counterparts.
Today, we know that women are much more than babymakers and industrious wives.
International Women’s Day is celebrated to counter the historical narrative, that women are worthless, by highlighting women’s ongoing contributions to society.
Revolve, a major clothing retailer that operates (almost solely) online, hosted an International Women’s Day celebration, at a temporary rental space, on Melrose Avenue in West Hollywood, California. Every step thru their space, that they’re calling Revolve Social Club, is a TikTok-able moment.
Related: View the TikTok I Made at Revolve Social Club
Surrounding a panel discussion of successful women in Hollywood, the event at Revolve Social Club featured hors d’oeuvres, an open bar, an active pop-up shop, and photo-ops.
Let me take you thru it.
International Women’s Day Celebration at Revolve Social Club
Four panelists took a seat before us, in a cozy space, to talk what they love most about being a woman, challenges they’ve faced in their industries as a woman, and more. The conversation was moderated by singer-songwriter, actress, and television personality, Kelly Rowland.
The Women
Ebonee Davis
Ebonee Davis
Standing 5’10” and slim, you can’t miss supermodel Ebonee Davis in a room. She appeared on season 18 of America’s Next Top Model in 2012. Placing 5th on ANTM, she may not have come out on top for that season, but the seasons of her life to follow have seen success after success. Some of her modeling work has stuck with audiences, including a 2016 Calvin Klein campaign where she wore her natural hair, and her walk in Pyer Moss’ Spring/Summer 2019 Collection Show for New York Fashion Week. Ebonee has also given a TEDx Talk on “Black girl magic in the fashion industry”. She’s a model that’s come to be known as an activist.
Nazanin Mandi Pimentel
Nazanin Mandi Pimentel
Nazanin is best known as the long-time girlfriend, now wife, of R&B/Soul singer Miguel. She introduced herself as a transformational specialist, that once hid behind her husband (or her title as his wife), but now leads other women to transform their lives and be their fuller selves.
Francia Raisa
Francia Raisa
Towards the opening of the panel discussion, Francia brought up how’d she’d once met Kelly, the panel’s host, on set of Bring It On: All or Nothing. (Apparently, Kelly was there in relation to the movie’s star, Solange, with Solange’s son that Kelly affectionately referred to as her “nephew”). That movie in 2006, and her run in the tv series Secret Life of the American Teenager (2008-2013), are two of her most popular works as an actress.
Jen Atkin
Jen Atkin
Unbeknownst to me, I already had a Jen Atkin hair care product under my vanity! Jen established OUAI, a haircare line we’re sure she uses on one of her biggest regulars, Kim Kardashian. She released her first book in 2020, “Blowing My Way to the Top,” on December 8th. (Hmm, December 8th is my birthday, maybe this is a sign I need to break some rules and explore other ways to the top [inserts sly wink]). The New York Times stamped Jen Atkin as “the most influential hair stylist in the world.”
Kelly Rowland
My heavens, where do I begin with the powerhouse that is Kelly Rowland? Well, let’s go with her beginning. She got her start to stardom singing with Destiny’s Child. After one of the best-selling girl groups of all time dismantled, Kelly ventured into doing her own thing as an artist. She has won 4 Grammys (3 as a group member, 1 for her solo works). Kelly Rowland has gone on to acting in Lifetime feature films and being a personality on nationally-syndicated TV programs. She continues to do collabs with major companies, such as Fabletics, and a slew of other distinguished endeavors.
These women are all dominating in their fields. And to think somebody ever thought women are worthless?! TUH! Puh-leez.
Ebonee Davis, Nazanin Mandi, Francia Raisa, Jen Atkin, and Kelly Rowland are all shining examples of what women can do when they work hard. Who better to talk to during Women’s History Month on a panel about women to get other women feeling good?
The Conversation
I learned that turning 30 will change me (for the better), and that I should sleep around now while I can.
After graciously greeting the audience, Kelly opened the conversation by posing the question to the panel, “what’s your favorite thing about being a woman?”
Disclaimer: This is where my blunt opinions will be revealed. If you do not want them, please exit stage left. Go check out my “what to do while in Los Angeles” page; it’s all kicks and giggles over there.
I’m sorry, but one of the girls was annoying af.
Francia Raisa began putting a bad taste in my mouth right from the beginning of the panel discussion. The ladies, warming up in their panel chairs, answered in order like duckies in a row for Kelly’s first question. Francia, sitting third from Kelly’s left, gave her response after two other ladies. She piggybacked off their responses and said something along the lines of, “yeah, all of it! we should have more than a day; they should give us a whole month!”
[Insert Issa Rae’s face in that gif where she had the math problems jumbled in front of her eyes] What is Women’s History Month, babe?
Kelly, in the most kind and subtle way, tried to co-sign to make Francia’s comment make sense. “Yesssss, two months,” Kelly exclaimed with a head nod. I took this as Kelly saying, “girl, yes, I agree with you, we women should be shown more appreciation” and trying to play it off as “yes, you’re right, we should get two months instead of one.”
Do you think Francia let Kelly save her? Nope. Francia turned my confusion into a cringe. When Kelly made the adlib (improving Francia’s joke), Francia acted as though she had to get the last word, or one-up Kelly, by saying, “no, three.. actually, the whole year! give us the whole year!”
Oh, you’re trying to make a joke off my joke, hmph! I’ll top it. Weird.
If you’re thinking I’m over analyzing it, I understand because I would have thought the same too, if she didn’t keep making these types of annoying moves throughout the panel discussion.
Francia had no couth, that’s what it was. I don’t think she had any ill will, she simply didn’t have refinement in this format of conversation. For example, most people that are a part of a panel tend to know that the host moderates conversation, not you. There were multiple points in the conversation where Francia would keep going on, and add another comment after someone else, after Kelly had clearly tried to steer the conversation elsewhere. A few times, Kelly would make a statement, or tell a little story, to pivot into her next question, but before she could, Francia was adding something onto Kelly’s comment. There was even one time where Francia yanked the steering wheel away from Kelly completely by saying, “[hold on] I’d like to hear what Ebonee has to say,” as she did a hand gesture for Ebonee to speak. WHAT?? Girrrrrrrrrrl, Revolve selected Kelly Rowland as the host for a reason, not you!
Early on, Kelly brought a topic about Latinas to the floor, and I don’t know if it were only clear to those of us in the audience, but she posed her questions and statements in the plural form, recognizing there were two women of Hispanic identity on the panel, making eye contact with both Nazanin and Francia. Francia took the lead on cultural topics, and at the very end of the panel discussion, Nazanin made a comment in agreement with something Francia said about Mexican culture in-particular. Francia paused from her rant, looked to her right, at Nazanin, and said, “wait, you’re Mexican too?!”, to which Nazanin responded that she is. Tell me why this girl had the nerve to say, “well, why weren’t you answering some of these questions geared towards Latinas?!”
Maybe because you didn’t let the poor girl get a word in edgewise, Francia.
During hors d’oeuvres service, after the close of the panel discussion, I spoke with a few other attendees and without me sharing what I’d observed, they all agreed “that one girl talked too much” and how they were looking at her thinking “girl, shut up” at some points. That’s how I knew it wasn’t just me being a Communication stickler.
I don’t mind a person talking a lot (hello! I’m a whole blogger that talks for a living), it’s the way in which a person talks. And Francia’s style was not ideal for a panel discussion. Even the host couldn’t hide her facial expressions towards Francia’s poor panel decorum.
But the good outweighed the bad.
Ebonee was felt! I don’t know what better way to put it. Her words came from within her chest and when she spoke, the room could feel it. She was probably the most transparent and vulnerable. As a result, in my observation, that’s why her responses elicited the greatest crowd response amongst the panel. And she wasn’t acting, or performing, trying to say something to get the audience riled up (as the aforementioned panelist seemed to do), she was simply speaking from her core. Sitting all of an arm reach away from her, I could see her breathing change, or her eyes get glossy, or hear her voice mildly shake.
Nazanin was like a sweet, but badass modern hippie. “Let people go, everyone can’t stay.” “It’s okay.” “Transform your life.” “Therapy, therapy, therapy, therapy,” she preached. She was all smiles and didn’t ruffle any feathers. She spoke, letting peaceful words come out of her cute little mouth, when she had the cue to speak. She knew how to read the room.
If I had to pick a favorite of the four panelists, it would be Jen Atkin. She was cool as a feather and when she spoke, it was something worth saying. Though more chill/relaxed, when she did decide to speak, her comments and responses were simple and genuine. She didn’t ramble, she was concise and had points of humor that she didn’t have to force. My goodness, there was such a comfort and coolness about her! I’d never heard of that woman prior to this event, and now I’m ready to go buy her book, if she writes anything like she was in-person.
Kelly was an amazing host for the evening. I wonder if she’s always been such a good speaker and conversationalist, or if it has come with maturing her skills as a public figure over the years, by practicing (and having the money to pay a professional to help her practice; e.i. PR training, speech coach, etc.). Whatever she’s doing, it’s working for her because as a host, she was warm and welcoming, attentive and appropriately responsive.
I suppose when you’re really THAT girl, you don’t have to brag.
I appreciate that none of the women name-dropped during the panel discussion, which they could’ve easily done, for a sound bite or quote to potentially go viral. Though I fail to understand the appeal, I recognize facts — a mention as simple as whether Beyonce or Kim K prefer spearmint or wintergreen gum could throw the Internet into a frenzy. The ladies, for the most part, weren’t boastful about what they’ve done, where they’ve been, or who they’re friends with. In Los Angeles, where people tend to brag (and exaggerate) about anything that may make them seem cooler, that was refreshing.
(If you’re wondering, “if they didn’t say it, how do you know?” …I attained the information from Google searches as I did my research for this article, for you. When I shared myself attending the event on my Instagram accounts, you all seemed rather interested. You all wanted to know more, but say like my grandmother, “you don’t like lookin’ fa nothin’,” and that’s okay, you don’t have to… because Te’Keya Krystal your favorite blogger will do the digging for you ☺︎)
“Oh no, b*tch, be tall!”
There were parts that struck me, and stuck with me.
They had real conversations for those of us blessed to be in the audience. There was an entire camera crew filming the panel discussion, but who knows if/when and where Revolve will release it; as of today’s date, I don’t see it online for the public. No worries, that’s what I’m here for, get your cup; I’ll spill some tea.
Here are a few pieces of advice these 5 very successful women shared about developing yourself as a woman:
Don’t shrink.
Love yourself.
Sleep around.
A little over a year ago, as I stood before a giant mosque on the northwestern edge of Africa, I was awestruck by its grandiose and beauty. Even though I’m a personal blogger, I was initially hesitant to share my work with people I know, due to a tendency to “dull myself down, in an effort to not make another person feel less than,” I admitted in my travel diary. As I went to force myself to write about my first day in Morocco, I ended up going into my feelings about why I actually didn’t even want to write about being in Morocco. It wasn’t because I didn’t like the place, it was because I didn’t know how other people would receive it. By the end of my therapy session (writing), I decided, “f*ck that, I’m not shrinking myself anymore. Ima stand tall like that mosque I saw today!”
Related: Stand Tall Like the Hassan II Mosque, Instead of Shrinking to Comfort Others
After revisiting that blog post only days before this event at Revolve, when Kelly Rowland spoke on learning to not shrink herself, it hit me upside the head like my Granny used to do.
Don’t shrink who you are to make someone else feel comfortable.
Kelly Rowland said, “So many times in my life, I shrunk for someone else. How dare me shrink for someone else, to make them feel comfortable?! Or maybe they already feel comfortable, and why am I questioning myself to shrink? So I was like, 'oh no, b*tch, be tall!'“ I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT!
It’s commendable to be a conscientious person, having regard for how your actions may make another person feel. However, hypersensitivity to another person’s feelings, to the point where you diminish good things about yourself, won’t do you nor the other person any good.
This goes for perceived perception of strangers, friends, or even your own parents.
Strangers. First of all, people that don’t know you care way less about WTF you got going on than you think they do.
One of my favorite intellectual organizations has a piece on this, “Don’t Worry, No One Cares.” The authors speak on how we’re given this false narrative by early life, where extreme care is given for the blubber of a word or an effort at a first step. We bring that reality of a child into adult life where it’s just not true. The adult reality is: we exist in a world of astonishing indifference to almost everything we are, think, say or do.
“Well, I can’t do this… people gon’ think…”
“If I post that on Instagram, somebody will notice…”
“Wearing that, they’ll say…”
GIRL! Them people DGAF about you! Do what you want to do! Shoot that TikTok video in the middle of the mall, post in the same outfit 3 times, go in full glam to a casual event, whatever! If that’s you, BE YOU! You ain’t “doin’ too much,” you doin’ YOU (and you ain’t hurting anybody)!
People can take a look at one of my Instagram versus reality posts on my personal Instagram page and see I don’t struggle too much in that department. I’d venture to say I’m more comfortable in the presence of strangers. It’s when people I do know personally are involved that I’ve found myself needing encouragement not to shrink.
Friends. If something good about you, or good for you, makes a friend feel bad, a reevaluation of that friendship may be in order, not a reevaluation of you.
I’ll give you a personal example, since this is a personal blog afterall.
After spending my first 3 birthdays, as an L.A. resident, in L.A., I wanted to switch it up. Working with a wealthy clientele, I’d learned about a huge international event named Art Basel. This particular year, Art Basel was going to be in Miami Beach on my exact birthday in December. I thought, “perfect!” It’s a convenient reason to take trip; me and my girls will be able to experience something none of us had before. Late summer, I pitched the idea to some girls, whoever was in, was in, and we went forth with planning.
Months before this birthday/girls trip, I stumbled across a beautiful dress at a bargain price. It was a luxury designer piece that one of my co-workers had tucked away in his hiding spot, after being returned by one of his clients, that mindlessly bought it, without ever wearing it. I immediately hopped in the group message, telling my girls about this great find. “OH EM GEE! I think my birthday dress just found me! Long-sleeved, appropriate for December, but still fitted, sexy, and bright for Miami vibes; it’s perfect! Ahhh!” I’m all excited, right? I told them how it would’ve ran me ‘bout $1500, but because it’s on the lowest markdown, with the employee discount on top, I’ll pay under 400 bucks! I spent more than that on my prom dress in high school.
I was sharing my excitement and asking them if I should buy it, or if I was getting ahead of myself. Was the price not even a good deal, but my years in luxury retail had skewed my financial reasoning? Was the dress not even cute, but I’d become a label whore thinking anything with a name brand was nice? Or should I just hold off because I might find something I like more?
screenshot I found in our group text message thread
One of my girls responded confirming that I wasn’t crazy; it was a reasonable price and a wonderful fit for the occasion.
My other girl responded asking if there was one in another color… for her… to wear… if I get this one. And that could easily be taken as a playfully-styled compliment, “ouuu girl, it is so cute.. so cute, is there another?!” — (similar how a girl may compliment your man by saying, “ou, do he got a brother?!”). This wasn’t that. She was serious. She continued to tell me that if that one was in there, there must be others too. Same way I explained to y’all above, I’d explained to her, the way this dress fell into my hands. I knew there weren’t anymore, but me being me, I went and looked for one for her anyway. When I showed her we had nothing more of the sort, she told me to stay on the lookout for one for her, because she couldn’t be in FashionNova while I’m in Balmain.
Why would you be in that while I’m in this? / You having something good makes me feel bad.
Do you know that I started questioning myself about whether or not I should have that dress for my birthday? Not because I decided it wasn’t a wise purchase, but simply because of her implication. I didn’t want the idea of me having on something more expensive, or nicer, than her, while we’re together, to make her feel bad. I didn’t want her to feel less than. But I for damn sure didn’t want to join her in FashionNova threads. A burden fell on my heart to find her a designer dress that she could afford, or something super sexy that looked like money, where she’d feel amazing!
I even asked my other girlfriend on the side if maybe it wouldn’t be right for me to wear that dress. “You know what.. maybe I shouldn’t.” Thankfully, my girl didn’t let me back out of what I knew I wanted. “T.K., she’ll be alright. …Plus, it’s your birthday.”
I didn’t realize this in that moment, but that was a prime example of where I started to shrink myself to make someone else feel comfortable. That dress is what I liked and what I could afford, why would I think to deny myself of something because somebody else doesn’t think I should have it?!
I’m thankful for Kelly Rowland’s reminder. “Wait, why am I questioning myself,” the songstress said in regards to shrinking in a situation with a friend. It’s nice to know that as confident and successful as a woman she is, with as confident and successful of a friend group she has, that she too has experienced shrinking herself for her friends. Kelly’s message reminded me that it’s okay to be confident, to be greatness, and our friends shouldn’t feel slighted by that. And if they do, it’s not your responsibility to fix them feeling bad about your something good.
Family. Honey, honey.. I barely even want to touch this one because I rather be in denial.
There’s no way possible that a person who loves you SO much, and you love even more, could not want to see you in all your greatest glory. There’s no way possible that a person you’re an extension of could feel less than by you doing better. No way!! I am you, and you are me, so my wins are your wins, right?!
Well, psychology tells a different story. Unfortunately, sometimes, parents send “signals that it would be better if we didn’t succeed,” giving us a set of unspoken rules: “you should never rival your father’s achievements; you must never be happier than I was; you must worry perpetually about money [like we did].”
Internalizing these commandments, we can develop a fear of success. We’ll self-sabotage or not go for something to avoid ending up better off than our people. Ingrained deep in your psyche, shrinking yourself in this way can go on for years and years without you even noticing what you’re doing to yourself.
On the Girlboss blog, I found a post about “How To Deal With Making More Money Than Your Parents,” where they mentioned the cocktail of emotions, including guilt, that sometimes comes with success, when your success surpasses your parents.
Even J. Cole, a hip hop artist that went from “A Dollar and a Dream” to a 60-million-dollar net worth, bleeds discomfort into his raps when reflecting on what he can do compared to his family (and friends that were like family).
I walk along this long harbor of life and sit on the peers
reflect on my pain, and shit on my fears
should I feel an ounce of guilt that I outdid all my peers?
or write my name in the sky and show them n***** I'm here?
In my own life, I’m in the process of learning how to “be tall,” as Kelly Rowland said, when it comes to family.
During a heated call, over an issue going on with my grandmother at the time, one of my people started digging in my a**. Mad day is often enlightening, so I lay in my grandmother’s bed beside her sickly body, during one of my visits down South, holding the phone quietly as my cousin tore me to pieces. Leaving out the gory details, my cousin said something to the tune of “yeah, you think you’re this and that, doing this and that with all this and that, but I know who you really are and where you really came from.” I spared you all the expletives.
There have been times I’m not sure it’s okay, or right, for me to have something or do something my loved ones can’t have or do. And comments like those from my blood relative, that I was raised with, fuels those insecurities. Who am I to have that? Who am I to do that? Who am I to be successful? My family isn’t there, and in turn, my family doesn’t think I should be there. So, let me not do this, let me not have that.
“Oh no, b*tch, be tall!”
Kelly Rowland’s self-talk replays in my head. “How dare me shrink for someone else, just to make them feel comfortable?!”
Me moving out of the South, pursuing my dreams in Los Angeles, and living a lifestyle COMPLETELY different from that which I came, may make some people I grew up with uncomfortable, but that’s too damn bad.
“Don’t shrink for anyone, that’s what I would tell the next generation,” Kelly responded to a question from the audience about what advice the panel has for younger women coming into their own.
Love yourself so much that you can’t be resentful towards anyone else… and sleep around.
The second and third takeaway I originally listed could be their own entire section, as long as the section on not shrinking, but because I’m on the verge of a blog the length of Roots, I’ll concisely close by rolling these into one.
Following the panel, I bumped into supermodel Ebonee Davis; she was cool enough to chat for a sec, elaborating on a point she made during the discussion. photo: @aroundLAwithTK
Remember how I told you, a few scrolls up this page, about a girl that spoke from her core? Ebonee Davis is the panelists that brought the thought of self-love’s importance to the panel. The unique supermodel shared that she once was filled with resentment towards her mother for not providing in certain ways. There was a bit of blame she put on her mother for what she didn’t have; but, learning to love herself more allowed her to appreciate what she didn’t have for making her who she is.
Like Kelly Rowland, Jen Atkin gave some good advice in response to the audience question of what they would tell younger women. “Sleep around,” Jen Atkin chimed in calmly and unexpectedly. Kelly couldn’t help but laughed and snap her finger, “yaaaaaasss!” Those of us in the audience giggled as well. “Whew girl! THAT!” Kelly continued to co-sign over the audience’s murmurs, making a face as to say she wishes she would’ve slept around more before settling down as a wife and mother… Or, maybe she did.
“Darn it, Jen! Now people are going to know I agree with that.. People aren’t supposed to know I think that,” Kelly added playfully.
There’s power and exploration in being a sexually liberated woman. At least, that’s what I’ve read. Though I’ve yet to experience such freedom myself, I understand Jen’s sentiment.
In the opening of the piece, I mentioned how, historically, women’s bodies only served the purpose of pleasing partners and bearing babies. Women’s clits are still being cut off in some parts of the world today with the belief that there’s no point in a woman receiving pleasure from sex. A woman asserting authority over her body, engaging in (safe) sexual activity, not simply to satisfy a man or exclusively reproductive, but just because she feels like it, flips that narrative on its head. Women deserve sexual pleasure, and so as long as it’s done responsible, women deserve the right not to be shamed for their sexual liberation.
Ladies, are you ready to stop shrinking, love yourself, and sleep around?!
Baby, I don’t know about you, but I know I’m trying to do all of the above in this tail end of my twenties.
We’re not shrinking for anybody. We’re loving ourselves so much we can’t hate anyone else. And, we’re doing whatever TF we want with our bodies!
I thoroughly enjoyed, and took home some good thoughts from, this Women’s Day event during Women’s History Month hosted by Kelly Rowland at Revolve Social Club. I hope reading this brought you there as well, and you enjoyed it too. To come aroundLA with me for me, visit While in Los Angeles > socialize.
Major thanks to one of my girlfriends I met #aroundLA, Alasia, PR & Talent Relations Manager at Revolve, for putting me on the event's guest list.
Related: Meet Alasia, An Online Clothing Shop Owner Turned Corporate Girl
Note: I am not a representative of Revolve, nor Kelly Rowland; my views are not a reflection of theirs. All opinions are my own.
I didn’t intend for this to be as lengthy, but when do I ever? Haha, I think there’s some shorter, fluffier pieces in the What To Do While in Los Angeles section of this personal lifestyle blog. Check it out!
As much as I don’t mind talking to myself, it would be nice to have a large community to share with and the only way that happens is by you sharing. It’s thoughtful work, and good stuff; please share if anything said here resonates with you or may resonate with someone you know.
